You can be the Change

 I got my bachelor's degree when I was a spinster. I had always felt that we are only trying to fit into a man's world when it comes to education and career. However, we are definitely progressing. How do I know?

1930s

My grand mother was allowed to study only upto the 5th grade and got married at the age of 17, even though her father was a Tahsildar. I still find it difficult to understand how she was allowed to learn music but was denied education. However, her brother went to college and settled for a decent Government job. My grand mother had 5 kids.

1950s

My mother went to college, got married at 25 and got into a government job. Her career lasted for 30 years. During both her child births, she had to leave the 3 month old infant and go to work, as the government allowed only 3 months of maternity Leave and no extra leaves were given. Her education and career had helped her to bring up her 2 kids after her husband's demise at a very early age. He had left behind a 3 year old (me) and a 6 year old (my brother) when he passed away.

1980s

I did my Masters and became a software engineer and got married at 25 (when I was 2 years into the IT industry). Why am I talking about marriage every time? Because if you don't have a career before marriage, it is most likely that you will not have one in your life. Even if you have one, it is most likely that you will quit after child birth.

There is Hope!

There were 2 incidents in my 13 year old career that make me strongly believe that we are progressing and we can be the change we expect in the society.

I was a junior engineer when I got married. I continued my career during my pregnancy and took 6 months of maternity leave. Those days, the government allowed only 3 months of ML. I had to take 3 months of loss of pay.

When I rejoined, my baby was still too young. After a C-section and several sleepless nights with the baby, and all the postpartum depression stuff which no one talks about (a topic for another day) I was physically and mentally weak to say the least.

I had to use the office bus which meant that I had to stay in office for 10.5 hours and spend more than 2 hours travelling to and from the office. I had to be away from my baby for almost 12 hours. The remaining time is meant for sleeping. I could hardly spend time with her.Everyday I started from my house at 7:30 AM and returned home at 7:30 PM.

I was struggling and had only 2 things in mind :

1. What if the bus could start at 5:30 PM from office everyday? We could avoid the heavy traffic and reduce the travel time and reach home early.

2. What if we had a creche in our office campus? I need not stop feeding my baby at such a young age and introduce bottles.

That is when I found a forum in my company's intranet site, where the employees could write down their concerns directly to the CEO. It was called some thing like,'Letter to the CEO'.

I wrote down those 2 expectations, explaining the fact that, young mothers like me would struggle to continue our careers this way. It was an emotional letter to the CEO, but to be honest, I never thought it would have any effect.

Believe it or not, I got a call from the HR department on the very next day. The HR personnel promised me that within a few months we will have a creche facility inside the campus and she said that this has already been under discussion for some time.

After a few months we received an email from the transport desk that the office bus would start at 5:30 PM going forward, to avoid the heavy traffic during the peak hours. I strongly believed and still believe that, it was due to my letter to the CEO. However the creche facility never came to our campus until I quit the organization.

After a few years, my friend who was a new mother working there called me and told me that a new creche facility was functioning in the campus and she was using it. I strongly believed and still believe that it was due to my letter to the CEO.

These 2 incidents made me realise that our voices are heard. But unfortunately we whine most of the time and stop there. We fail to raise our voices. As the tamil proverb goes, 'The baby that cries the most gets the milk.' Our voice might, or might not make a difference in our life. But it might bring about a change to our next generation of women. In the worst case, "Voiced and unheard, is better than not voiced at all."

Right from 1930s（My Grand mother's era) to 2021 we have evolved towards progression. Women are not denied education these days. But their career after child birth is still not a cake walk. I am sure every woman with a career will have a similar story to share. However, I am hopeful that my daughters will not have to go through this. In the history, revolutions have always happened in a short span of time.

The more we explain our genuine concerns to the right people, the more we are likely to bring about a change. Knock and it shall be opened. Ask and it shall be given. You can be the change! 

 

 

Nissim Ezekiel’s Mother and Me

 Around 20 years ago, I was sitting in yet another boring English class. It was the last period for the day which made it even more tiring. The name of the poem was “The Night of the Scorpion”. As my teacher kept explaining the poem, I found it slightly interesting and started getting glued to the subject. The poet’s mother was stung by a scorpion on a rainy night.  The poet managed to explain the different characters like the villagers, who were superstitious and tried to comfort the suffering mother with their words on sins and previous birth; the father who was a rationalist tried a few things to comfort his wife; a holy man who was performing his rites tried all he could do. I could clearly picturize the rainy night the poet was talking about. After twenty hours of suffering, the poet says that she was relieved of her pain and she said,

“Thank God the scorpion picked on me

 And spared my children.”

These words looked too much like a cliché to me. Somehow, I did not experience the emotions the poet would have expected from his readers. Most of the books, cartoons and movies I had read always showed a mother as some one who would sacrifice her life for her kids. It looked too dramatic to me. These emotional dialogues somehow had no appeal on me those days. Except for the last 2 lines, I loved the poem for its simplicity and authenticity.

A few months ago, I was experiencing an intense pain in my left ear due to an infection. My whole face was swollen and I couldn’t sleep for two consecutive nights. The pain killers had no effect. After three days of aggressive fight with the pain, I was relieved on the fourth day after a visit to the doctor. That morning taught me lots of lessons.

·         Even if you are a brave person with a fighting spirit, you could become weak when pain strikes you with all its might.

·         When it comes to “pain”, it is only “you” and no one else who will fight the battle for you.

When the doctor said the infection might be due to the salty water that entered the ear, the first few words I spoke were,

"Thank God the salty water entered my ear

And spared my children”

It took 20 years of experience to accept and appreciate the exemplary work of Nissim Ezekiel and those legendary lines on mother’s love. All the books, cartoons and movies keep talking about mother’s love and her sacrifices, because it is so true and undeniably pure in its form. Another biggest learning was that, even the greatest piece of art, an awesome performance, or even a splendid poem will be appreciated by people based on their personal experiences. I was brought up by a single mother. So, imagine the sacrifices and love she would have showered on us. Most of us realise our parent’s sacrifices, only after becoming a parent.